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oknope:

my diet plan:
- make all of my friends cupcakes, the fatter they get the thinner i look 

iggyazaleasss:

sitting in math like

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bettervillains:

pornstarch:

i hate when ur boob starts falling out of ur bra like excuse me ma’am please return to your assigned seat

 

lsdzeppelin:

i was taking pictures of the new puppy

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when i look out the window to see the older dog just

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ethelreds:

nothing is impossible when the pirates of the caribbean theme plays in the background 

richsex:

The first time a girl ever took her underwear off in front of me I said, “Golly, it’s just like I seen in the pictures!” in a very 1920’s voice.  I don’t know why I thought that was a good idea.  She didn’t laugh.  I didn’t laugh.  That was probably one of the darkest days of my life.

ruinedchildhood:

how i feel when i gotta get up and close my room door after someone walks out and leaves it open

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digivolvin:

my little sister sleeps with a box of cheez-its next to her pillow and i always thought it was because she’s lazy and likes to have it for convenient snacking but last night she told me it’s because she likes seeing it first thing when she wakes up to remind her there’s good in the world

bahbumplug:

when u put on a song u like at a party that no one knows

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